Wednesday, October 29, 2008

From my journal archive-The Last Day of Summer (modified)

Tomorrow is the first day of school, and as I can't concentrate on anything else right now, I may as well mull over how I feel.
How do I feel? Well, for one, disappointed. This is not for a moment the sort of large scale depression I felt at Camp. It's just disappointment. My summer that was supposed to last forever obviously didn't. And I didn't fill near the list of expectations I set for myself. But...I think I'll still do them. In fact, they'll spice up what otherwise might be an uneventful year. Speaking of boredom, I'm a bit apprehensive. I'm afraid this year is going to be boring. Worse, I'm afraid it's going to be...bad[?] What with this new office thing and stuff, and the likely frictions with certain relatives who will remain unnamed? And no recess? Fie, it could be dark indeed!
But I also feel faint hopefulness...and a tiny flame of excitement. No matter who teaches it or how it's taught, history is still glorious history! Biology is still about LIFE. Art is art is art. Latin is classic and heady and soo useful (rolls eyes). Geometry is, well, shapes. Hey, you win some you lose some. And English is where I can always express myself. Hey, I'm sort of looking forward again to learning! Who woulda thought it?
And then there's the hope. In the worst of my depression, my thoughts were: it will always be the same, never changing, never interesting. But I forgot the wild card of life. AS long as there are kumquats and blueprints, and the Office, and weekends and haircuts, and of course wonderful boys (:D), then things will always turn out okay. Sure, I may be bored occasionally (life can't be constant excitement--you'd die from exhaustion), but I don't have to worry about life being boring. After all, we affect our surroundings, and if I was boring, I'd kill myself.
Sometimes life seems like something just to get through (Superchick!). We just have to remember that the journey is half the fun. And to stop, occasionally, and smell the roses and snapdragons and daffodils and skunk cabbages. Blooming in the most unlikely places.

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